Isabela has been keeping me up ALOT at night. She is so determined to master all of her tricks, that she does them in her sleep. (: I wake up to her screaming because she has rolled onto her tummy, and then she wakes up confused and wonders why she is on her tummy, haha.

She also rolls from side to side, in her sleep, which also wakes her up. Its tiring, but I can’t help but laugh to myself when I see her on her tummy, with her head bobbing around. Poor tiny.

Last night she sleep from 8:30 to 2!! Thank God, this was just what I needed. I know it probably won’t happen again, but I hope it does!!

Chris and I are repainting our living area. With winter so close, we decided to lighten up the walls. Last winter, we got so depressed….we loved the colors we chose, but they were a little to dark for us during the winter months.

Speaking of winter, the lows are already in the low 40’s …boooo!!! Highs are mid 60’s.
Fall is here and I feel like summer never came!

However, there are some MAJOR things I look forward too. Stacy visits in Oct. Jessica visits in Nov! My mother-in-law will also be visiting, we just aren’t sure when, yet. I’m excited for Isabela to wear her first Halloween costume! November is almost here, and everyone knows how much I love the Christmas season, so I’m excited for our first Christmas together! Oh…and Chris’s Air Force Annual Awards Ball/Banquet is coming. I’m excited to get dressed up, have some fun, and to stay at the hotel with the indoor water park!!! Yeah!

In other news , I have really been trying to do some of the things I like more. I have a little more time, but Isa’s acid reflux is still pretty bad, and she still needs alot of comforting. I have been trying to practice guitar more, but I really need a lot more time to practice day to day. I have been trying to read more. I am going to take a cake decorating class and hopefully learn to knit.
I’m really making that effort, bc I am scared that I may have a little postpartum depression. Please just pray that it passes soon. I just wish I knew someone that had gone through that, as well. Please don’t worry, though. I love Isa soooo much, and nothing will ever change that she is the most AMAZING gift from God! No matter how sad or lonely I may feel, her little smiles ALWAYS lift my spirits.

off to church.

Yep, thats right. This blog has nothing to do with anything baby. However, it will probably take me forever to get to the point, but keep reading. The end is funny.

So…..this week starts off Operation Skinny (thank you Mike, you are my inspiration!) I went to the gym everyday this week, so far, yay!!

I am starting off slowly, so that I can have goals to work up to. I can’t really dive in and go crazy, because my body simply won’t let me. This fact has been a source of frustration, but I also know that one day I will be at a level of fitness that I will be proud of!

Anyhow, today was toning day. I did lite cardio and walked over to the stretching area of the gym. There was only one guy stretching and a very very skinny blonde girl doing sit-ups. So…I begin to do sit-ups, then some pushups, more sit-ups and more push-ups, basically just alternating between the two.

Before I continue I have to explain about me and push-ups. Before I got pregnant, I was like the push-up diva, lol. Being in the military helped, but I have always been pretty strong with push-ups. I am the former winner of many push-up contests, and I had no trouble keeping up with Chris in that area. And, I do mean perfect push-ups, straight legged style, with arms at least at a 90 degree angle, but preferrably chest touching the floor style push-ups.

Well, after a c-section, its impossible to be at that level. I have no ab muscles, and I am basically starting from scratch (:

So, I was doing sit-ups and push-ups, but doing the push-ups on my knees. In my mind, I felt pretty embarressed about it….
I mean, here I am, ex-push-up extraordinarie, doing push-ups girl style, and feeling pretty crappy about it and even a little embarressed. However, everyone has to start somewhere, and sometimes it just has to be at the bottom!

Well, as I was doing sit-ups, the blonde got up, put her mat away and walked away from the area. I turned over to do push-ups, and I saw her turn around and watch me. THEN, yes then, blondie walked back over, grabbed a mat, and proceeded to do push-ups straight-legged style in front of me.

I really couldn’t believe it and told myself that she really wasn’t trying to show me her superiority. After all, her push-up technique was horrendous. Sure, she was doing them straight-legged, but her arms were no where near 90 degree angles. She did about 20 push-ups, stood up for about 2 minutes and repeated her push-up reptitions twice. I was thinking that it was weird that she came back to do them, but figured that maybe she just forgot …

Really, I was trying to convince myself that she wasn’t trying to show me up. I mean, I could do push-ups the way she did them – she barely lowerd herself at all.

Anyhow, I just finished what I was doing and then began to do series of lunges and squats. This lady continued to copy me , SERIOUSLY!! Except, she was doing lunges and squats with heavier weights….and doing bicep curls with heavier weights…and anything I would do she would use heavier weights.

It was SO weird, but I wanted to see if she would keep copying me, so I just kept doing different stuff, lol. I kept trying to make eye contact, but she would look away.

Then it became time for stretching. She proved herself to be very flexible, way more than me. I just kept thinking that this lady must be so proud of herself. I was wondering if she would really copy me in everything I did. So, instead of doing a regular straddle stretch, I did the splits instead. She also did. Hmmmm…..what else I could I do?

I stood up, reached towards the ceiling, stood on my tip toes, bent over, and did the best somersault I have ever done in my life. I then did it backwards. I stood up gracefully, looked at her, and waited. She rolled her eyes and walked away.

I think I won. what do you think?

Isa has been trying to roll over ALOT lately. Its fun watching her, so I thought I would share a video of her trying!

The best moment of my life has been captured on film….yes! I am elated!

Ok, so my c-section happened so quickly, that I don’t think Chris really had time to think. Because of all the chaos around us, Chris didn’t get any of Isa’s delivery on video. We have a lot of pictures, though, and I was fine with that.

Our doula, Jun-Nicole, ever amazing that she is, was video taping when they first brought Isabela into the recovery room to meet me! She gave me the video clip today, and I was so emotional watching it!

The hardest thing for me about having the c-section is the memory loss I had and still have shortly after. I was on so many drugs, that I barely remember anything for several hours after the c-section. I have a very limited memory of our first night, and sadly, I had hardly any memory of meeting Isabela for the first time. This was very hard on me, heartbreaking in ways. I think I felt robbed, in a way, of a vaginal birth, and all the excitement and adrenaline of meeting my baby for the first time. I am happy that I have many pictures of everything, but nothing can replace a lost memory.

Anyhow, as soon as I watched the video clip, some memories just flooded back into my mind. Amazing!! I am SO happy that we made the decision to hire a doula, so glad that she video taped this BEAUTIFUL moment, and so happy to have this video clip in my possession.

I wanted to share this with you …so here you go. You get to see me super bloated from all the IV fluids and filled with the most intense emotions I have ever felt in my life.
By the way, I had no idea she was video taping. I just thought they were taking pictures.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2HzJa_zSYE

If you have a facebook, you’ve already seen this.

Its been 16 weeks since Isa has been born. Life has definitely changed! And, 16 weeks later, I have lost all the baby weight except for 8 very stubborn pounds!!

It’s driving me crazy…My doctor said around 6 months postpartum, my body should let go of those additional lbs. It is kind of driving me crazy, though!

So, for the first time in my life, I have been dealing with some self confidence issues. Obviously, I have never had a “perfect body.” But, I did have hard abs, a strong core, I could keep us with the boys in push ups, and was very in shape. I might not have been super skinny, but I was fit and muscular. For the first time ever, my tummy is like jello.

Its the weirdest feeling ever- I have absolutely no abs thanks to the c-section. It even hurts to run, because my no abs stomach can’t really support my back. But the worst feeling is feeling horrible about my body. I have even been feeling a little embarrassed. I know- I just had a baby. But, its been 16 weeks, and 10 weeks since I have been cleared to exercise.

I just feel so frustrated. I have been eating extremely healthy, especially since I have been exclusively breastfeeding. I have been slowly working up to getting to where I was before, as far as running. Its frustrating that I just can’t go out and start running, doing push ups and sit ups, like I could before. Believe me, I tried, and just ended up with a hurt back. I have to do this slowly, but I am so ready for these last lbs to be gone!!

Anyhow, I am lucky that I have a husband who thinks I am beautiful and the hottest woman on the planet (: I am trying to get rid of this low self confidence…I’m not used to this. I have always been confident of myself and accepted my body for what it was. Why is it so hard to do this now? Ahhhhh!!

Especially since I know that I WILL reach my old weight, and maybe lose more weight after that.

I just keep telling myself that I am more than just a number on the scale. And, that as long as I continue to eat healthy and exercise, I will start feeling better about myself one day.

Right?